Monday, May 18, 2009

All about the classy

Last weekend, I was out running errands with Bobby. I had my list organized (!) and set out after delivering sweatpants and vitamins to Jeff at the fire station. The rain had stopped, and the sun was peeking out -- I had a really good feeling about the day.

Then I got hungry.

I decided to grab a quick, fast-food something, even though I'm still doing the "no flour/no sugar" thing -- there would have to be a weekend exception. After getting my Whopper Jr., I played the responsibility card, and stopped in the parking lot to eat. Thinking this was a good chance to catch up on some reading, I flipped through my college alumni magazine while I ate. Midway through "Class Acts," the section where everyone brags catches up on major milestones, a giant blob of ketchupy-mayo blobbed from the bun onto my shirt. My light pink shirt, now a light pink shirt with a huge orange streak down the front. Nice. This is typical of me... because I'm all about "class," you know? I wiped it off the best I could, but there was no concealing the fact that I was now wearing part of my lunch.

One of the items on my list was to return the alternate baptism outfit I'd purchased for Bobby at Von Maur. Until I had to buy the outfit, I thought the best thing about Von Maur was their discount shoe room. That's room, people, not a rack. An entire freakin' ROOM. Then I found two very cute, very affordable baptism outfits to choose between, and Von Maur climbed even higher on my list of favorite stores. (When you have a "shoe room," there's almost nothing better in my book, but they succeeded nonetheless.) The thing about Von Maur, in general, is that it's a fairly high-end store. As in, they have marble floors and live piano entertainment to make your shopping experience more enjoyable. Even Tyler, when hearing I was headed there, said, "Wow. That's, like, a really classy place." So, you know if a 17-yr. old boy is aware of their reputation, it's probably a sure thing. And I'm headed there in my obviously ketchup-stained shirt.

We first stopped at the library to find books from two of my very favorite, snarky writers (Laurie Notaro and Jen Lancaster) I realized I could do a pretty good job of hiding the stain, if I held the baby carrier in the crook of my elbow and positioned it more in front of me than to the side. Brilliant. Besides, when you're schlepping around a baby carrier, chances are most people are looking at the baby... not his slob of a mommy.

After leaving the library, I was still borderline mortified about being out in public wearing a stained shirt. (Mom, you raised me well!) All I kept thinking was, "I'm going to Von Maur in a stained shirt. How classy is that?!"

Then, passing the grocery, I saw a mom leaving the store with her two school-aged kids. She appeared to be carrying a sheet cake... leaving her son to carry the case of beer she purchased.

And I worried about not having any class with a stain on my shirt?!?
Ladies and gentlemen,... we have a new winn-ah.

(Believe me, if I could've snapped a photo, I would have. It was THAT awful. But, it made me feel soooooo much better.)


Lindy said...

Von Maur also has awesome sale racks - as in THIS SEASON clothes on the sales rack and a killer return policy.

Maybe that kid had to carry the beer because that kid was the reason the Mom needed the beer.

Rebecca Cameron said...

Ahhh... that's how it works! "You make me crazy enough to drink, you lug my alcohol home."

The only thing that would've made it perfect is if she was walking with a lit cigarette in her mouth.

That's a lotta classy, right there.

Amy said...

LOL! I often wish I had a small little spy camera for situations such as that.

BTW -- I recommended your blog be added to the blog roll at