Actual email I just received:
First of all, anyone I consider a friend would address me by my name.
How are you today? Hope all is well with you and your family?
I hope this mail meets you in a perfect condition.
Why thank you. How sweet.
You may not understand why this mail came to you. But if you do not remember me, you might have received an email from me in the past regarding a multi-million-dollar
business proposal which we never concluded.
OK. There are days when I am so busy I forget to eat. However, even if I “might” have received an email in the past regarding a multi-million dollar business proposal, I would hope to holy hell that I’d remember something as colossal as that. Especially since yours would be my first multi-million dollar business proposal. Ever.
I am using this opportunity to inform you that this multi-million-dollar
business has been concluded with another person who financed it to a logical
conclusion but i know that people has been using my identification to
contact you as a fraud act so i want you to decease from contacting them
because I know they just making earns out of you.
OMG. Where do I even begin? I am not quite sure how one finances a deal to a “logical conclusion.” Let’s focus on the use of singular vs plural verb tense; “…people has…” makes me cringe. And the fact that you want me to “decease” from contacting people? Well, that scares me a little. Lastly, I have no idea what “earns” are, and why are people making them out of me? Is that like making wigs out of human hair? Or, worse yet, like the guy on “Silence of the Lambs” who made the suit out of human skin?! Kind of makes me wonder about the use of “decease” in the prior sentence…
I thank you for your great effort to our unfinished transfer of fund into your account due to one
reason or the other best known to you.
But I want to inform you that I have successfully transferred the fund out of the security company to my new partner's account in London that was capable of assisting me in this great
venture. Due to your effort, sincerity, courage and trustworthiness you showed during
the course of the transaction
Wait. Didn’t you say earlier that our deal never concluded?
I want to compensate you and show my gratitude to you with the sum of $950,000.00. I have left an international certified bank draft for you worth about $950,000.00 cashable anywhere in the world. My dear friend I will like you to contact Barr. Eglin Williams for the
collection of this international certified bank draft have authorized to
release the international certified bank draft to you as soon as you contact
him regarding this issue because as soon as you contact them the package
will be forwarded to the delivery company.
Ugh. Again with the grammar. You’re killin’ me. Oops! We’re back to the “deceased” thing again.
At the moment, I'm very busy here because of the investment projects which myself and my new partner are having at hand.
Please let one of the investments be an ESL class.
Please I will like you to accept comply with Mr. George Williams so that he will send the draft to you without any delay.
CONTACT: Barr. Eglin Williams
ADDRESS: 102 Daytona ave. Holly Hull, City 32 Abuja.
TEL: +234 81 53 671 539
Therefore, you should send him your full Name and telephone number/your
address where you want him to send the draft to you I want you to give him a
call as well for verification.
I am really resisting the urge to send a card to this address, thanking them for my $950,000 windfall… just because. And I think it’s supposed to be “globalmail” not “globomail.”
Thanks and God bless you and your family. I am very busy now i may not reply
to any email for sometime.
Mr. David Moore.
Well, Mr. Moore, I truly appreciate you wishing God’s blessing on me and my family, but invoking a Holy blessing under the guise of an OBVIOUS Internet/email scam… well, Sir, that’ll buy you a first-class ticket to Hell for sure. Busy schedule or not.