Lacing up and going public

Lately I’ve been really trying to commit myself to making wise decisions overall as it pertains to my health. I think I’m a little ahead of the curve on this, given the fact that our new insurance company awarded me with “elite” status as far as my physical health is concerned. (Pausing for a moment to mentally flex my muscles and make “Grrrrrr!” noises.) In reality, I think they just caught me in a lucky streak of running and we must not have had any ice cream in the house prior to my blood draw.

I’ve discovered that my middle-aged self is no longer a fan of sugar. Let me clarify – it isn’t the eating that I have developed a problem with, it’s the way sugar works on my body. I can't enjoy a nice dessert after dinner without knowing that I will wake up feeling like I had five margaritas rather than a slice of cheesecake. I have no idea why this happens, but it does. I can usually resist most sweets, but there are times when it’s oh-so-hard to say no. Case in point: Last night we had our umpteenth fire of the summer, which means s’mores. I relegated myself to being the marshmallow/chocolate/graham cracker distributor (because, let’s face it… you do not simply give an entire bag of marshmallows to the kids). It was difficult to see those puffy, white mallows being toasted over the dancing flames until they reached the perfect golden brown color, knowing I wouldn’t allow myself one. I knew my resolve was thinning when one burst into flames and I considered telling the owner I’d take it off their hands. For free. But I held my ground and resisted. I sipped my green tea and reminded myself that I’d feel great in the morning by not giving into the gooey, chocolatey, crunchy graham goodness of a s’more. I’d be lying, though, if I said I didn’t savor the chocolate smudges left on my fingers as I assembled the fixins for everyone else. Come on, people, I said I am committed, not downright stupid.


In any event, this more focused attention is not without its (potential) reward. I have verbally committed to running a half-marathon in September (my 10th), and my first-ever marathon in early November. I went back to basics and downloaded a training plan devised by a runner whom I trusted to get me re-started in the hot mess of running back in 2005 after a nearly 20-year hiatus. With the exception of one missed long run, I have stuck to the training schedule for two weeks. I feel better and so much better overall when I make time to run. Granted there are days when it just isn’t going to happen, but most days I can get to the gym at work during lunchtime, then grab a salad from the cafeteria to eat back at my desk.

I decided to bring this area of my life to the blog for no better reason than simple accountability. I can rationalize my way out of working out like nobody’s business. I practically minored in Rationalization Theory in college, learning from the best: Shipley.

Shipley: Hey, what are you doing?

Me: I’ve got Spanish in half an hour.

Shipley: Wanna go to the Fashion Shoppe?

Me: I should really go to class.

Shipley: Come on….. it’ll be fun. And you’re getting an A in Spanish anyway.

Me: (divided pondering)

Shipley: It’s just one class….

Me: Mmm… OK.

OK. So I was probably an easy mark for her persuasion, but had I not been? I would never have had all the bonding experiences we have shared as best friends. And I would have never found myself being driven backward through a Rax restaurant drive-thru, with me looking pitifully up at the confused Rax employee holding our chocolate chip shakes, while Shipley cackled next to me in the driver’s seat. Oh. Yes. She. Did.

My point? Rationalization will get you out of what you’re supposed to be doing, but it will move you no closer to your goal. (In my defense, I still kept that A in Spanish class.) I figure if I post my training on Back to Square One, it’ll make me accountable to do it without cutting any corners. No matter how tempting they might be. (I am getting back to basics… “square one” … you know.)

Thank goodness there isn’t a Fashion Shoppe in Fort Wayne.

You wouldn't believe how exciting the last several months have been...

And neither would I. Because it simply isn't true.

Sure, I'd love to say that in the time since my last post that we've enjoyed successes and excitement beyond measure. However, while we've had some really great things happen, there have been plenty of days/weeks/months where our days have been swept into the usual whirlwind of our life. Plainy put,... I got busy. Sidetracked. Delayed. And, sadly, at times lazy.

In a nutshell,...

• Wonderful Husband's (a.k.a., Jeff) arm healed nicely, and returned to work after about four months on medical leave. Lesson learned: We are officially in "middle age" now, with the abundance of aches, pains, twinges and increased opportunity for injuries. We're so not 20-something kids anymore.
• The college student and school-aged kids all finished their respective academic years with amazing grade reports and plenty of fun. With that came the reminder for me that we are truly blessed with these children, and their achievements continue to amaze us and make us crazy proud.
• We kicked off our summer with a family road trip to Florida. Yes, two parents, five children and a friend comprised a two-vehicle caravan that made its way to sunny Florida. Our first stop was Orlando where we stayed at the Nickelodeon resort, and visited Downtown Disney and The Magic Kingdom the first two days. We were surprised and amazed that our 4 year old was not only tall enough to ride the bigger rides, but a totally willing and eager participant! One of my favorite moments was after getting off our second consecutive trip on Big Thunder Mountain, he burst into tears. I heard a woman behind me say something like, "Oh, poor little guy... he must have been terrified on the ride." I turned around laughing to let her know that his outburst was in disappointment and anger that the ride was over. Crazy kiddo. Midweek we traveled about two hours south to the Port St. Lucie area, staying at Jensen Beach on Hutchinson Island. This is rapidly becoming one of our favorite destinations, after staying there three years ago for Spring Break. The main reason for the trip was the Cameron Family Reunion at the end of our vacation week, which was a truly wonderful time. So great to visit with Jeff's family members, most of whom live far from us.

Back home now, our summer is clicking along nicely. We have had many evenings by the fire out back, hosting the kids and their friends as they enjoy the buffet of s'more fixins we always have on hand. Now that we're settled into summer, I find I can finally relax a little. And for me, relaxing never fails to conjure up all the "To Do" items I keep on my mental list: decluttering, laundry, organizing all the kids' keepsakes from the school year, laundry, helping with home improvement projects, laundry, ... oh, and writing. While I keep my freelance writing steady on the side (a true juggling act with a full-time job and boys with summer baseball league) the characters and story lines are still rolling around in my skull, just waiting to be put on paper. Or on screen at least. But when I think back to that lesson we learned from Jeff's ruptured bicep tendon and repair... we're not getting any younger. That said, if I want to achieve my goal of getting something published at some point, I'm going to have to work harder at time management and prioritizing. Naturally, the family comes first, so I will just have to grab those elusive idle moments and tip-tap-type my way into completion of at least one project.

And all the while, this blog needs attention too. If not for the entertainment of others, but to keep my sanity. Because, really people. Some days,... it's hanging on by a thread. A. Single. Fraying. Thread.
If you're reading this right now, then THANK YOU. I hope you can feel the big cyber-hug I'm giving, because writing is one thing, but having readers is incredibly awesome. Hope you come back, if for any other reason than to delight in our family's antics as we bridge the gap between chaos and hilarity.

The day in which I am caretaker, housekeeper and timid techno-geek; or how I cared for a post-op husband, youngest son and welcomed myself to Facebook for the second time.

Well, I did it. I managed to successfully (?) create a Facebook page for Back to Square One, and [gasp!] actually post a new blog. Honestly, I am still reeling. Imagine, ME! Tackling a techno-project and coming out on top! Or at least ahead...

I think the best part of accomplishing this epic task after four years is that I chose to do it on a day when I've got a husband upstairs recuperating from surgery to reattach a tendon in his arm, and our youngest (just one week away from turning 4) as my sidekick. I am seriously feeling like a rock star right now.

There aren't many days when I feel like I've actually crossed the finish line -- in my head, there are lists upon lists with too many "want to do" items than workable hours in the day. And, yes, I realize this pressure is self-imposed and put squarely on my own shoulders. This is all part of the charm of being me. I aspire to do much, and usually end up frustrated when I can't do it all. Same old story for so many moms. It's that cycle that causes periodic moments of feeling overwhelmed... when there are three different places I need to be at once. Or a guest room with no room for guests because of all the mayhem created by thinking it's a storage room. Or three sons (two teens, one tween) who realize at 6:30am that they are out of underwear. I simply need to stop and reel myself back in. Back to square one. Back to simplifying things and taking everything one step at a time.

So, today, as I revel in my "rock star" status for the moment (because, seriously, we all know I'll do something to cancel it out yet today) I will go forth and make lunch for my patient and my sidekick. And transfer the laundry. (Yes, I found clean underwear for the boys before they left for school.) And continue with the project I brought home from work until the kids get home from school and dinner is served and homework is checked and kids head to bed...

The Thanksgiving Table

As in years past, Jeff and I hosted Thanksgiving dinner at our house. This year his parents provided the turkey, while Jeff took care of a roast; the sides -- oh, Dear Lord the sides! -- sweet potatoes, mashed rutabaga (which was a first for me and I discovered I love it!), two different stuffings, corn casserole and Jeff's famous variation on green bean casserole. The side dishes were overshadowed by a ridiculous display of desserts: pecan pie, (2) pumpkin pies, cherry pie and an OHMYGODTHISISPHENOMENAL dark chocolate/raspberry cheesecake made by Jeff's mom. Holy hell, yes... we had a lot of food.

However, while the spread was clearly of gluttonous proportions, for me, the highlight of our dinner table was the result of my half-assed attempt at channeling Martha Stewart: the Thanksgiving Table Votives.

What you're seeing here are square, heavy glass votive holders (which were purchased for $1 apiece from Dollar Tree for Kate's graduation open house). I love these because they are simple, stocky and solid; perfect for use any time of year. I don't remember where or how I got this idea stuck in my head, but I wanted to wrap these votive holders with black & white photos of each person in our family who was attending dinner. It ended up being relatively simple to size the photos, and I just placed them four-wide on the layout (landscape view). Even with our black ink cartridge just about dry, the images still came out pretty well. Even though I ultimately ended up cutting the photos individually and using double-stick tape to adhere them to the holders, I was pleasantly surprised with the end result. Here's a closer look at two of them:

Yes, there was a slight curling of the edges -- which I had to really try not to let bother my slightly-OCD self -- but if I do it again, I'll remedy that before it becomes too obvious. I used simple tea lights in the holders, because as I mentioned, I like to use these holders as much as possible I really don't want to mess with digging out the wax and cleaning them up. (I know, someone will undoubtedly tell me to place them in the freezer and the wax will pop right out, but tea lights are so much easier.)

I'm thinking next time (maybe Christmas...?) it's going to be baby photos. :)

For those days when I feel like I'm the worst mother ever...

The following is copied verbatim from something Sam wrote for school in 4th grade. I found it in his backpack when we got them out for school this fall... because, you know, they brought them home on the last day of school and didn't touch them again for three months.


My mom is really nice she has one brother, and she is very social. she is 43 years old and loves playing with me and my brothers. she loves navy blue because it is her favorite collage color Butler bulldogs. she could write a news paper on the teams mascot blue two blue one died but the mascot is a bulldog. She loves the basketball team, she also knits she knit a scarf in one day. she yells when my brothers and I are messing with each other. She likes vacations and driving, she dosen't like the long road trips like me until we get to the place, then we have to drive back to our home. My mom can be nice and when things get out of hand she thinks her head will blow up. I think my mom is awesome!

For those of you who know me well, you know how difficult it was for me to type that paragraph as it was written... run-ons, missed capitalizations, mild errors and all. But it was written by Sam -- my hilariously quirky boy who doesn't often speak from the heart. For all I know, this was written hastily and off the cuff just to get an assignment done. But for what he thought to include, it speaks to my heart. I particularly love that he gets how frustrating it can be when I deal with the three of them getting "out of hand." Perhaps it's because I'm prone to dramatically holding my head, saying, "UUUGGGHHHHHHH! IF YOU THREE DON'T STOP, MY HEAD'S GOING TO EXPLODE!" But I think it's those six words that close out the paragraph that really clinch it. No matter what I do or what Sam equates with me (diehard Butler fan, knitter, writer, mom with an exploding head, etc.), no matter what... he thinks I'm awesome.

Thank you, Sam. I love you.

It's more than just a blog name...it's my way of life

Lately, I’ve been all about simplifying and getting down to basics – back to “square one,” so to speak. A lot of this came from an ongoing feud I have with myself and the clutter-ish appearance of some areas of our home. I’ve been trying to pinpoint one area at a time and attack – pitching that which is unnecessary and creating an organizational system that will keep everyone happy. (Everyone = me.)


Swimming in that same thought-pond are my ideas for getting myself back to basics, which consist of making basic, healthy meals for my family and exercising. I’ve learned in my 40-something years that I’m one of those people who over-analyze things. And when I over-analyze things, I tend to make them much bigger and daunting than they really are. For example: creating more healthful meals has, on more than one occasion, sent me to the library to scour the stacks in search of nutrition guides and cook books. I flip through and make notes, jotting down which recipes are keepers and which ones my kids wouldn’t touch with a 10-ft. fork. I read and research, research and read. But nothing gets cooked. Well, DUH. Now, if I just use some basic common sense, I could easily navigate the grocery – with no notes – and manage to end up with a cart of very good, wholesome food, rather than just reading about it. Easy peasy.

Similarly, I go the same route with exercise. I resumed a running hobby sometime in early 2005, and within a few months I ran my very first road race – a 5K. Since then, I’ve run numerous 5Ks and some half-marathons. My goal at that time was to run a half-marathon (which I did); and a full marathon by the time I was 40. Then I got pregnant and put that whole “train for a marathon” thing on the back-burner, where it’s simmered since 2009. I have run a few half-marathons since having Bobby, but that full marathon was still simmering in the back of my mind. About a week ago, I found information on the Monumental Marathon in Indianapolis which is scheduled for the first weekend of November. While I’m by no means in shape to run this year, I just might be next year. My goal = first full marathon in November 2013. Since no one ever successfully trained for a marathon simply by thinking about it (or reading and researching, which I tend to do in this area of my life as well… even more so than the whole food thing) it’s time to take Nike’s advice and Just Do It.

Today I dutifully got up at 5:20am, and ran. I was joined by the boys which is truly amazing in that I’ve never known them to willingly roll out of bed at 5:30am for anything other than the promise of tearing into Christmas presents. It was just a quick run, and Sam was the only one who groused at all, because he felt that Charlie’s transformation into “Johnny Sprint” was uncalled for. (I have to agree, since we’re running at DARK O’CLOCK in the morning and I’d rather keep all my ducklings in sight.) We didn’t break any land-speed records, but kept a pretty good pace overall.

And at least I wasn’t still in bed.

Back to basics. Back to square one.

It's all good until the popcorn needs popped

I’ve always thought friends are important. If I didn’t, I wouldn’t (at age 43) still declare a friend from 7th grade and my college Little Sis as my BFFs. Friends are especially important when you feel like you’re going crazy from all the chaos and drama in your life and you just want to feel normal. I am blessed to have two good friends who balance out my crazy – Jenn and Lindy.


Just because of our schedules and kids (13 between the three of us) lunch plans are frequently rescheduled (today’s lunch took three tries? I think?) but when we all sit down, sans children, it gives us a chance to reconnect, catch up and laugh. Oh, do we ever laugh. Sometimes at the most inappropriate things, but that’s how we roll.

Today’s lunch was a lovely Panera offering of soups and sandwiches, which also included topics ranging from two kids hoping to make student council at school; the often-inappropriate things that pop out of teen boys’mouths; school field trips; family drama; teenagers and their nonchalant views on how the world really works; kids’ challenges and disappointments; antics from overly-dramatic children; catching up on what’s going on with mutual friends… the list goes on.

During our conversation, we realized how funny it is that we find ourselves laughing at things that might have most parents stunned speechless or paralyzed with shock. Are we bad moms? Most definitely not. Is that how we maintain our sanity? Most definitely so. We are smart, strong women, helping raise 13 children to be good, responsible young adults – the kind of children you eventually feel pretty good about letting loose on the world. Juggling work and family life can be tricky, and is almost always chaotic. But we do it. Every day. Every week. Every month, and so on. And we do this with in partnership with three pretty great husbands, too.

So, while this post is a shout-out to two wonderful friends laced with my thanks for a.) being my friends, and b.) making my crazy life feel normal… I probably have to explain the title of this post. It ties into the “two kids hoping to make student council at school,” reference. Apparently, at Jenn’s daughters’ school, the parents of kids who make it onto student council find themselves automatically scheduled to go to the school and pop popcorn. (Which I completely forgot to ask why, but that can be addressed at our next lunch.) It was a statement that made us laugh, because … seriously?! The school tells you when you have to come in and help? Oy vey. As if schedules and calendars aren’t already filled to the brim...I can’t even begin to imagine my own response if I received a note like that.

My response just might be classified as an “inappropriate thing that might pop out of teen boys’ mouths.”