Sometimes the seemingly incessant demands of everyday life (parenting, working, housekeeping, etc) will suck the life right out of you and then you face this spiral of "oh-holy-hell-I'm-failing-at-everything-I'm-doing." And that's no good because who wants to feel like a failure? It's a shameful parenting moment when you think you're too busy to sit and watch an episode of "Caillou" when your 4-yr old invites you to do so.
In making my usual rounds and catching up on favorite blogs this morning, I ran head first into this:
Looks like I'm not the only one who suffers from feeling like I am sometimes drowning in my own life. Luckily, reading Jenny Lawson's spot-on affirmations (the part where she celebrated one achievement, but scratched out the "I'm failing" part) bolstered my spirits. And in a crazy twist of coincidence -- as the universe often provides -- I had the chance to visit with my two oldest and most dear friends yesterday. These wonderful women, -- Maria and Tammy -- and I met in 7th grade, a time when self-confidence and fear of rejection are very real every. single. day. We met. We bonded. We began what would grow into a life-long friendship. From day one, we accepted each other for who we were and celebrated every aspect of our lovable, nerdy selves. Today, we laugh over memories that span over 30 years and still celebrate our lovable, nerdy selves. Collectively, we have 11 children, spanning in ages from 3 to 21. Three are in college. One in high school. Three in middle school. Two in elementary school. Two in pre-school. That's a whole lotta kids and a whole lotta crazy, folks. We are each graciously blessed to have found and married our soul mates. We are good people, and we are happy -- but still may find ourselves wondering if we're not failing miserably at something at some point of a day, week, month. It happens.
There's a line in the movie "Terms of Endearment" where Patsy is visiting Emma in the hospital and tells her tearfully, "You're my touchstone, Emma." Maria and Tammy are my touchstones. Two of only a few people on the planet that I can be with and find myself instantly centered, connected with the most honest and true essence of who I am. They save me from drowning in my life. And for that? I owe them so much and love them dearly.
Today, I feel like I have cleared the cobwebs that have grown in the parts of my life that matter -- while I've been busy doing laundry, clearing clutter, working, shuttling kids here and there. And having that renewed sense of "Hey! Pay attention!" I feel like I can take Jenny Lawson's advice and go forward and not feel like I'm failing at things.
- I will work on the next chapter, instead of "finishing the book."
- I will pick an smaller area to de-clutter, instead of the entire house.
- I will go out and run a few miles, instead of worrying about the marathon.
- And I will not eat anyone. (You won't get this unless you clicked on the link above and read her blog post. You're welcome.)