Deja vu

I am 41 years old, and I find I'm back to the question that plagued me about 25 years ago: What do I want to be when I grow up?

After losing my job last July (Dear Economy, Thanks a bunch! By the way, you suck. Best regards...) I never thought it would be so difficult to find another part-time job. I couldn't have been more wrong. In the past six months or so, I have sent out a bunch of resumes and applied online for many jobs -- several of which I thought I was an absolute shoe-in for at least a phone call. Want to know how many phone calls I've received? How about none. Zip. Zero. Big, fat nada.

This leads me to believe there is either a glaring error I've not caught on my own resume, or the economy is still just as crappy as everyone thinks it is. And now? I've found myself at a cross-roads of sorts: I have the opportunity to "create" my dream job. I love writing, and want people to pay me to do it. The problem? Finding people to pay me. Freelance writers are frequently the first to go where budgets are concerned. Staff people will take the bullet and dump extra work on underlings before shelling out company cash for an outsider to come in and write. Once again, the economy is baring its teeth at me and growling, warning me to stay the hell away. "Back off, Word Nerd!"

I told Jeff today that I am perfectly happy getting the writing assignments I've been fortunate enough to receive lately (Thank you, Sue and Northern IN Lakes magazine! Big shout out and a hearty WOO HOO!) The thing is, I am also very happy being a stay-at-home mom, taking care of the family. For me, interviewing and writing an article for publication has become equivalent to, say, baking cookies or bread and making an 8-yr-old's bed. I love both jobs; however, only one pays actual, real money, while the other is compensated with hugs and smiles. Unfortunately, utility companies and the bank don't readily accept payments in hugs and smiles.

I feel like I've been given an opportunity to find something new...something I really love to do and create a new career out of it. The only question is, what the hell is it? You know the feeling when you try to remember something, and it's just on the tip of your tongue? That's how I'm feeling about work -- there's something out there. I can almost make it out... I just hope I figure it out before unemployment runs out in July.